I was a fairly shy little kid.
As the second born, I was used to having an older sister who would speak for me and accompany me most everywhere I went.
I can remember how comforting it felt to hold my mom’s hand when we were out and about. It was a simple, easy gesture that let me know I wasn’t alone. I was guided by someone who knew where we were going, and more importantly, I was guided by someone who I knew and loved; someone I trusted. If I felt timid or insecure, I would tuck behind her legs convincing myself I was fully hidden and protected.
Some kids wanted to run free and exert independence. Not me. I wanted contentment and familiarity.
As I’ve grown, I’m thankful to say I’ve shed the shell of shyness (how’s that for alliteration?) and insecurity. And probably now more than ever, I find myself wanting to feel and embrace freedom and independence…at least when things seem to be going well.
But many times I find myself feeling like that quiet little girl again, wanting nothing more than to take the hand of someone bigger than myself and follow their lead.
When my heart aches from a sense of loss, when change seems too much to bear, when the path forward is uncertain, when I’m tired out from making decisions, all I want to do is reach out my hand and let someone wiser take the lead.
Even though growing pains yield, well, growth…sometimes I just don’t know the answer. Sometimes I just can’t tell where I’m going.
With Jesus I don’t have to have all the answers. He covers that part for me.
Sigh. Weight falls from my shoulders.
Jesus takes my hand and leads me exactly where I need to go. The more I know Him, the more I trust Him. And the more I trust Him, the more I love Him. Then His hand becomes more familiar to me, and I fight it less and less. Why? Because I come to know and believe it is good.
I have lots of little changes in my life; different senses of loss; and many uncertainties. To some they may seem silly, but to my heart they are significant. It’s hard for me to always believe “the plan” is still good, because what I feel inside isn’t good. But despite what I feel, I am reaching for God’s hand which always leads me in the right direction. And when I need to hide and be protected, He is the best hiding place.
Have you heard this song by Ben Rector? It’s great.