Tuesday Truth: Confessions from a Struggling Heart

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Its a funny thing to page through old posts and read thoughts from a few years back.

Other than being repulsed by some of the formatting issues on former posts that occurred when I switched from Blogspot to WordPress, and the occasional embarrassing comment I would make, I treasure the ability to look back on what I was going through and how I was processing life.

I’m finding that although my circumstances in life change, many of the lessons I currently learn are ones that I am in fact simply re-learning. My struggles often remain quite similar although they look different played out. My heart issues…are often the same old heart issues.

This tells me several things:

1. In our sinful human nature, we are all predisposed to certain temptations.

2. What I find tempting, you may never struggle with. And vice-versa.

3. I cannot afford to ignore my unique heart issues. I cannot wish them away. I must continue to face them, hand them over to God, and commit to working through them with Him.

I have no guarantee that I will ever completely master and overcome temptations and struggles in my life. God does not promise He will remove the temptations from us. But He promises to give us the strength we need to say no; to choose Him; to keep us from giving in to those temptations; to look back on our past and reflect on what He gotten us through before…and trust Him to do it again (1 Corinthians 10:13).

Necklace made by Natalie Schlabach at http://www.etsy.com/shop/nspottery

Necklace I purchased from the talented Natalie Schlabach at http://www.etsy.com/shop/nspottery

Sometimes I swear I can hear God saying to me “Oh you of little faith…have you forgotten already what I’ve done?”

Many times I forget. Sometimes I intentionally ignore. And occasionally I just don’t care.

I can be honest here, right?

Right.

When I feel God stirring my heart in preparation for change, I often freak. I want to kick and scream and tell him that I’m pretty smart too. That maybe my plan is also a good option. I want to raise my hand and say “…um, are you sure about that?”

But that is hilarious, actually. Because I’m really not that smart. And my plan is never a good option if its my plan. There’s only room for one driver.

God has been faithful to me time and time again. He’s faithfully led and provided for Big Fisch and I in every way. I have no reason to doubt He will ever stop. God’s very nature is faithfulness – it can never be anything else.

So whatever change He has coming, I know He is worthy of my trust and obedience. And I need to cling to that.

But this is me admitting to you, friends, that its really hard for me at times. I am often a crappy example of trust. And I’m struggling.

So believe me when I say I do not ever have it all together. My life is not a perfect picture with a symmetrical smile. But even with my heart in a funk, I will cling to what I know to be true of my Savior, my God.

He is good. He can be trusted to follow. He is always faithful.