It is 75 degrees right now and I have a free evening. The first free evening I’ve had in a while. The gentle breeze is coming in through our window, gracing my back and my dangling feet, and I’m feeling inspired. I can smell the scent of rain in the air which tells me that the weatherman’s prediction of a midnight thunderstorm will be correct. Hellooo Spring, I love and welcome you.
Much has been going on with the Fischers lately and I’ve had a very occupied mind; for better or for worse. It’s been a month of small changes and several “firsts”. I continue to be amazed at how quickly time is going by and how much Matt and I continue to learn. I like learning; A profound statement, I know. (Reminds me of the time I had dinner with Matt’s family for the first time and answered “I want to speak” when his dad asked me what I wanted to do with my life. Wow.) I’ve been learning how it works to purchase a car; how to learn a new computer software in a few days to complete a project at work; how to stand up for myself; how to be friends with women 10, 20, and 50 years older than me; that I have very little control over my life and I like it that way. If it had been up to me, I would have never found myself working where I do now, in a job I love. I would have tried to plan out my life the way I thought it should go, and as a result would have missed out on so much God’s had in store for me. The way God writes our life story is beyond us, although it often doesn’t appear thrilling or as self-glorifying as we think we deserve. But I am learning that God’s story for my life will be and is more colorful, flavorful, lively, exciting, character building, and rewarding than anything I could try to write myself. Because God gives us life to the fullest when we let Him; full of what we really need – not what we think we want.
This statement of truth has been kept in my mind recently: “Whoever finds their life will lose it, and whoever loses their life for my sake will find it.” Matthew 10:39, Jesus speaking. This is a daily battle for me. My heart wants to want what it wants; my mind wants to plan out life as I think it should be. But what I really want and need, is to lose the life I try to make for myself; to abandon the selfish plans and release control, and die to myself. I want to find my life through Christ. I desire my life to be defined by Christ. I want to lose my life for the sake of Him. Because he is more than worth it; and only through Him will I really know life as it’s intended to be.
Before you go, think on this… or chew on this… or sip on this. I think I’ll sip on it with my glass of red wine awaiting me:
Indeed, if we consider the unblushing promises of reward and the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the Gospels, it would seem that Our Lord finds our desires, not too strong, but too weak.
We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.”
– C. S. Lewis in “The Weight of Glory”
I hear the rain starting. Time to go watch it.