Empty Hands


Happy hump day! (Wednesday…). I’ve never been a fan of that expression. I find it strange and unusual. But it reminds me of walking to the hall bath in my college house at JMU and seeing it written on the top of the shower sign-up board by one of my lovely housemates every Wednesday :-). And that memory makes me happy. (Yes, we had a shower sign-up board…6 girls to one shower, 5 girls to the second).

I promise I won’t keep dwelling on the new year for the next 5 to 10 posts, but I can’t promise I won’t do that today.. or tomorrow..

But hey, its been on my mind a lot lately! Its still early on enough in the new year, that you go to write the date on a check and you quickly scribble “1/5/10..crap!” ::scratch scratch::.. 11! Oh well. We’ll get the hang of it soon.

I think 2011 has been on my mind a lot lately because when I think of this year, I have no idea what to expect. 2010 held a ton of concrete events that I had either counted on for several to many years, or knew a few months out that they would take place. I had a pretty good idea of where I would be and what that would look like. I knew I would graduate college May 2010. I knew Matt and I would get married June 2010. I knew we would honeymoon to the DR and come back to a new home in 2010. I knew my husband had a job lined up July 2010, that would provide for our needs. I knew that job would take us to Northen Delaware. I knew I would have a temp job that would last me at least into early October. It took me through the holidays.

Now, looking into 2011 there are few knowns. Sure, my husband still has his great job that does not pose a threat to be taken away, and for that I am very grateful. My job, however, can end any day. For a long time I have been operating on a week to week basis here. Will there be more work, or will this be it? Will I hear back about that interview, or will I have to wait another week? They like me here, but this position does not exist long term, and there is not much of a need right now for a new grad Communications major…only for engineers and scientists. I still don’t know if God is calling me into the workforce for a period of time, or if He will call me into a period of study and preparation in order to launch me into the mission I’ve felt placed on my life. When will that start? Has it started? What move do I make next?

Then there’s the smaller things: how much longer will my silly green car last for us? You know, the one that won’t start when its cold… ;). What will certain relationships look like, with certian people in our lives? Will ties be severed, or restored? When will we really start feeling connected here? When will we have a close group of Delawarian friends? How long will we be here?

I don’t know the answer to these questions. Not one of them. But one thing I’ve learned in the years past, is that God is always faithful. He always meets our needs and provides. He is worthy of my trust. His plans for my life are always better than I could have thought up. They often look different and feel harder than my plans seem to… but they are always better. In the end when I look back over my life, I don’t want to say “what an easy, carefree life I lived!”. No. I want to say “what an incredible journey God has taken me on. I have followed Him, and made the most of my life.”

So here I stand, looking on at 2011 with empty hands. I feel like a blank page that begins a new chapter; not sure what the story will read like at this point. And I don’t even know what to ask for, except that God’s perfect will for my life would continue to unfold.